Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
