you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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