Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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