she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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