she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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