Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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