I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
