im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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