Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
