yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
