im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
