The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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