My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
