the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
