When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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