so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
