i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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