ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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