we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
