Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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