My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
