I'm eating all of the evidence.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
