i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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