Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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