i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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