Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
