Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You should frame my arrest warrant.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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