It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
