If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
