yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
