why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
