The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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