Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
