And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
