Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I only lived at night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
