So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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