Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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