i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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