Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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