And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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