I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
