ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
