The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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