I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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