Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
