Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize