My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
