My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
