You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
