if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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