And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
