I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want a musical about memes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
