I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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