Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
