If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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