I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
