Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
