so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
