We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
