No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
