I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
not ubering you a puppy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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