I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
