Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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