Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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