so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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