Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
