with your own penis?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
