oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
