I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
