i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
