Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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