about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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