nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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